October 21, 2009

How to win any negotiation by Robert Mayer

How to win any negotiation by Robert Mayer
(Without raising your voice, losing your cool or coming to blows)

[ this book comes with day-to-day tricks and tips that we can use to gain upper hand in any negotiations - good one]

Winning is a is a mindset - the greater wallenda effect

Winning begins with your inner self.
The secret of how to influence others - the persuasion progression - are contained in the acronym LANCER
L - Linkage
A - Alignment
N - Needs
C - Control
E - Evaluation
R - Reading

People want to do business with people they like and with whom they feel comfortable. Linkage strategies are designed to humanize negotiations, bolster credibility, create a negotiating consent zone and make the other person more receptive to you and your ideas. Shaping tone and mood, personalizing, establishing rapport, developing a positive aura and creating involvement - all of these create linkage, a critical personal interfacing that makes it possible for you to lead and persuade.
" A man whose face is without a smile should never open a shop; He who goes softly goes far" - a Chinese proverb.

Underwhelm your opponent : relaxed people will be less resistant to you and your ideas.
Practice tip - people who are sitting down are more easily persuaded than people who are standing up.

Lighten up: Schmooze for a while about weather, traffic, sports event, .. some mutual acquaintance. Accept a cup of coffee/tea; tell a joke. Icebreakers shape a persuasive climate.

Personalize the process: Professional communications personalize constantly.(e.g. watch TV commentary where they use first name rather than company name or we..)

Establish rapport:people will like you if you are sincerely interested in them and their problems. Trust and reputation are established through reputation and expertise, but most often through rapport.

Create a positive aura" Persuasion is a function of attitude. Positive attitudes produce positive results. Your voice, demeanor and attentiveness should communicate concern, empathy, understanding and a desire to work side-by-side rather than toe-to-toe. pay attention to the little things; through them, other people read you.

Create involvement:to create interaction by asking for the other person's advice, help, assistance, suggestions, opioions or anything else that cause them to become involved in the scenario being played out.

To capture an elephant in the web of a spider, you must use the energy of the elephant. In the persuasion progression, alignment techniques play against and harness the pother person's energy while establishing a pattern of agreement.

It means moving with and using the other person's energy; aligning yourself with - rather than resisting - that energy.

here are the 24 soar points that will make a major difference in your effectiveness in dealing with people.

1. Don't complain or sulk.
2. Don't look back - your goal is an agreement not an admission or apology
3. Avoid absolute like always and never.
4. is there a major negative drawback in what you want to purpose? if so mention it
5. Pointing out selected negatives in what you have to suggest stimulates confidence and increase rapport.
6. Emphasis the aspects of your proposal that the other person seems t olike.
7. Don't use powerful words. What does work is speaking to the level of the other person you wish to influence.
8. Create hypothetical experiences. Suppose we were.. Let's assume. Hypothetical cause involvement and involvement is the persuasive forerunner to change.
9. Act in self-assured manner. Statement like 'I don't like asking you, but... forecast and prompt negative response.
10. Avoid judging another person's actions or thoughts. (wrong, stupid, crazy.. are judgmental words).such will promote defensiveness and resistance.
11. Let the other person know that their feelings and thoughts are as important as yours.
12. Build on the other person's words using their vocabulary. Make their thoughts/words the bridges to meaningful negotiations.
13. Suggest scrutiny of your ideas (what do you think of this idea...)
14. Don't maneuver the other person into a corner by pointing out discrepancies and showing them to be a liar.
15. Be persuasive one on one. Trying more than one person at a time only brings additional egos...
16. An approach that moves from agreement to agreement will produce better results than approaching that moves from conflict to agreement.
17. if you cannot agree on specific major issues, then seek an agreement in principle that can be a bridge to further discussion.
18. Express your positions as feelings. Expressed feelings are irrefutable.
19. When you must take a poke at a problem, offset it with a pat on the back. Starting with criticism followed by praise reinforces linkage.
20. Avoid hype that only build false hope.
21. Specific praise (I like the way you presented that point in this manner..) reinforces linkage as it looks more believable.
22. Asking 'what is your problem' weakens linkage.
23. Asking 'why can't you be reasonable?' is a question which will weaken linkage.
24. If saying it will make you feel good, then don't say it unless it will make the other person also feel good.

In the quest to satisfy our needs, we are guided by emotion rather than reason. This request for satisfaction energizes the persuasive process.
The art of influence is the art of stimulating, reading and then satisfying other people's conscious or unconscious urges for feelings of goal attainment and self-esteem. Pushing the motivator button.

Masters of manipulation are expert at pushing motivator buttons, knowing that when we are satisfying our needs we are guided by our emotions rather than our reason.

1. A sense of goal attainment - the need for a sense of goal attainment is the need for self-actualization to be able to accomplish the big things we set out to do in life and the smaller things we set out to do in negotiations.

2. A sense of self-esteem - Our sense of how we appear to others is status. How we appear to ourselves is self-esteem. The need for a sense of self-esteem is the need for a feeling of competency and personal worth, a need for status, a need to be recognized and appreciated.

There is a quantum difference between the power of speech and the power of persuasion. Speaking is about giving out information. Persuasion is about the getting through. It is about control - actions control reactions. It is about engineering consent.

Persuasive listening:
Handling the speaker ammunition will cause him to look at you not as an enemy but as a collaborator in a common mission. Persuasive listening is helping the speaker clrify his or her ideas by repeating back or paraphrasing from the speakers prespective what has been said. Persuasive listening is listening our loud.

Talking out loud is a habit. Listening out loud is an art.

Questions that guide and direct: conversation are controlled by the listener through the use of questions.

The power of suggestions: being able to introduce a good new idea into a conversation is an art. (I read an article and the author thought it would make sense if...[author's thought is the hidden suggestion]

Channeling: channelize ideas /options as limited menu (that offered to limited people as special).

You are both the messenger and message: To simply express an idea or situation is power. It is all about what the other person hears/understands. Content is what is in the eyes 9and ers) of the beholder. Content is a totality made up of word signals (the text of your remarks) and body signals (Your demeanor, gestures, pitch and tone of voice, rate of speech and energy).

Body signals will have a far greater impact on the listener than word signals. Words impact the listener's intellect. Body signals impact the listener's emotions because they reveal not only your doubts, fears and deceptions, but more importantly, the kind of persons you are.

Practice tip: Your eyes are the magnets that will cause the listener to connect and stay connected with you.

Which part of your negotiations pitch will be best remembered? beginning, middle or end? People remember only what is simple and meaningful that pushes their motivator buttons. First and last part are remembered over middle. First is remembered over last.

Your medium of communications is in and of itself a negotiating tactic. Telephone caslls are prone to shirtcuts, so make sure you have all the necessary data and inforamtions in front of you.
A persuasive proposal is one that sets forth your best ideas rather than all of your ideas. (trouble with Hong-Kong is i can never seem to find Chinatown).

The art of winning begins by reading yourself. It is advanced by knowing how to read others. To persuade you, it is not enough to know who you are. I must also know what you are. To be able to persuasively present your ideas and prevent resistance , you must read how the other person makes decisions. and how they make sense of things.

Remember the other person is not you.
People conclude facts from their gut impressions, perceptions and assumptions. Reading people is about developing insight that goes beyond the obvious.

Reading the roles people play: roles lead predictable responses (policeman, parent, lover, ..)

reading personality traits: a person who is stingy today will not be a big-time spender tomorrow.
Reading priorities: learning to look and listen for what the other person considers critical will enable you to discover motivator buttons or to grant or request concessions accordingly.
Wishful listening trap: hearing only what htye wanted to hear.

Containment: Finessing people who insist on being right rather than reasonable is the art ( say, yo umay be right..OR if I were in your shoe, I think I would the same way..)

Break sore spots into component parts - break big problems into smaller problems that can be reckoned with individually.

A Problem well-stated is a problem half-solved.

never ever lead with a threat
never ever make a threat without first first casting it as warning
never ever make a thread you don't want to carry out
never ever use a big threat in furtherance of a small gain
never ever make a threat that is inconstant with the attitude you previously displayed.

probing questions are the keys to revitalizing dialogue - 5 keys to chose from
1. Questions that are not questions - partially paraphrased Qs are nto questions(e.g. it is not possible -> it is not possible?)
2. What not why - Why elicits a general 'because' respond. What produces a more specific response that better reveals true needs and interests.
3. What if? - such Q pose soft-touch hypothetical possibilities.
4. Statement Q - (e.g although this is good, it may not be a good idea to you)
5. What will it take to convince you?

The art of finesse is influencing and controlling outcomes with a soft-touch, but a firm goal. The persusasion progression is about bringng tgeh other person around to see thngs your way. Analystics are the dynamics you must consider when you determine your negotiating objective. In every instance, you will achieve more and will face less resistance if your hard bargain is delivered with a soft touch.

When a deal is too easy, they assume that something is wrong. Use a long pause to avoid an impression of eagerness. Quick response are not demonstrative of a hard-driven bargain.
Happiness is relative to expectations. You can make the other person happy by first disappointing him. A person expects less and receives less will be more satisfied than the person who expects more and receive less.
people bargain when the quoted amounts are round and easy. Because odd numbers sound less susceptible, more real and more like the result of considered deliberation , people are less inclined to negotiate any changes.
Bad breadth - 'I have a better proposal from your competition' -> Every buyer since the dawn of humanity
' Price will be increased momentarily.." -> Every seller since the down of humanity.

If you are tough in doing out concessions, you will dampen the other person's bargaining aspirations. Granting quick concessions is a sign of insecurity and weakness. The other person will gain self-confidence and will become tougher and more demanding.

Small fish look bigger in a teacup than they do in a pond. When you need to give discount on two products, give big discount on small item which looks big (2 items valued $10,000 & 100 - instead of giving 10% discount on the first item, provide 50% discount on the second item)

The bleeding edge: A roller-coaster drop in your negotiating expectations when the other person:
Constantly reschedules your appt.
Keeps you waiting in a reception
Uses an esoteric vocabulary
Makes adverse comment about you, your company or your products
Praise competition

People who are uneasy are not at their negotiating best and will grant concessions to extricate themslves from an uncomfortable situation. In making these concessions, they will be guided by their emotions rather than by their sense of reason.

A good sales deal by a street seller.
sales person: 'Madam, will you buy a souvenir painting for $60?'
Lady: 'No'
Sales: 'How much will you pay?'
Lady: $10
After some emotional charged bartering, she paid a 'for-you-lady-special-price of $43. Lady got pulled-in to the back-and-forth of haggling..

Answering following Qs may be hazardous to your deal
"Don't you trust me?"
"Don't you believe me?"

Don;t get into that trap by saying 'it is not the matter I don't trust you, but...'

Don;t get into auction negotiating: If you find yourself in an action, stop and grasp the realities of the situation. It usually goes into race situation where you will pay more to 'WIN' the auction rather than buying it for cheap.

Whenever you rent a aprt or lease a car, always there is a 'standard' policy statement which forces you to admit all the conditions the seller wants. There is no such std. policy and you shoudl scratch out terms which does not suit you.

Negotiating is a process not an event. The difference between process and event is time. Time can be your worst enemy or your best ally.

(When you go for shopping, make sure you invest the sales person's time much on the negotiation. After spending so much time, he will be forced to provide more discount otherwise his manager will be angry with him for spending too much time on a deal that did not work out.

For buying car, go to the dealership around the end of the month as they are eager to have a better sales report for the current month!

Salary bargaining: Don't bring up salary in the first phase. When you have a job offer, negotiate better deal. Reduce your wish list to few items (salary, bonus, vacation, moving expenses, starting bonus..) When the main question asked (what is your expected salary), don't throw out the first number. But say something like "I believe that my skills and experience place me within the salary range the company has budgeted for the position or ask what is the range you have budgeted...)

If the quoted number is different, then say (I am disappointed. For someone with my ability and experiecne, I feel that that a salary in the range of ... would be fair.

Books refereed in this book: How to win any argument (Career press,2005)

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