Review - "How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships" by Leil Lowndes
There are two kinds of people in this life:
Those who walk into a room and say,“Well, here I am!”
And those who walk in and say,“Ahh, there you are.”
Technique #1 - The Flooding Smile.
Don’t flash an immediate smile when you greet someone, as
though anyone who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary.
Instead, look at the other person’s face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona.
Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into
your eyes. It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split-second delay
convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them.
Technique #2 -Sticky Eyes
Pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner’s
with sticky warm taffy. Don’t break eye contact even after he or she has
finished speaking. When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly,
stretching the gooey taffy until the tiny string finally breaks.
Technique #3 - Epoxy Eyes
This brazen technique packs a powerful punch. Watch your
target person even when someone else is talking. No matter who is speaking,
keep looking at the man or woman you want to impact.
Technique #4 - Hang by Your Teeth
Visualize a circus iron-jaw bit hanging from the frame of
every door you walk through. Take a bite and, with it firmly between your
teeth, let it swoop you to the peak of the big top. When you hang by your
teeth, every muscle is stretched into perfect posture position.
Technique #5 - The Big-Baby Pivot
Give everyone you meet The Big-Baby Pivot. The instant the
two of you are introduced, reward your new acquaintance. Give the warm smile,
the total-body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a tiny tyke who
crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours, and beamed a big
toothless grin. Pivoting 100 percent toward the new person shouts “I think you
are very, very special.”
Technique #6 - Hello Old Friend
When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend (an
old customer, an old beloved, or someone else you had great affection for). How
sad, the vicissitudes of life tore you two asunder. But, holy mackerel, now the
party (the meeting, the convention) has reunited you with your long-lost old
friend! The joyful experience starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body
from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your
toes—and everything between.
Technique #7 - Limit the Fidget
Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch,
your ear tingle, or your foot prickle. Do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm,
or scratch. And above all, keep your paws away from your puss. Hand motions
near your face and all fidgeting can give your listener the gut feeling you’re
fibbing.
Technique #8 - Hans’s Horse Sense
Make it a habit to get on a dual track while talking. Express
yourself, but keep a keen eye on how your listener is reacting to what you’re
saying. Then plan your moves accordingly. If a horse can do it, so can a human.
People will say you pick up on everything. You never miss a trick. You’ve got
horse sense.
Technique #9 - Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene
Rehearse being the Super Somebody you want to be ahead of
time. SEE yourself walking around with Hang by Your Teeth posture, shaking
hands, smiling the Flooding Smile, and making Sticky Eyes. HEAR yourself chatting
comfortably with everyone. FEEL the pleasure of knowing you are in peak form
and everyone is gravitating toward you. VISUALIZE yourself a Super Somebody.
Then it all happens automatically.
Technique #10 - Make a Mood Match
Before opening your mouth, take a “voice sample” of your
listener to detect his or her state of mind. Take a “psychic photograph” of the
expression to see if your listener looks buoyant, bored, or blitzed. If you
ever want to bring people around to your thoughts, you must match their mood
and voice tone, if only for a moment.
Technique #11 - Prosaic with Passion
Worried about your first words? Fear not, because 80 percent
of your listener’s impression has nothing to do with your words anyway. Almost
anything you say at first is fine. No matter how prosaic the text, an empathetic
mood, a positive demeanor, and passionate delivery make you sound exciting.
Technique #12 - Always Wear a Whatzit
Whenever you go to a gathering, wear or carry something
unusual to give people who find you the delightful stranger across the crowded
room an excuse to approach. “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your . . .
what IS that?”
Technique #13 - Whoozat
Whoozat is the most effective, least used (by non-politicians)
meeting-people device ever contrived. Simply ask the party giver to make the
introduction, or pump for a few facts that you can immediately turn into
icebreakers.
Technique #14 - Eavesdrop In
No Whatzit? No host for Whoozat? No problem! Just sidle up
behind the swarm of folks you want to infiltrate and open your ears. Wait for
any flimsy excuse and jump in with “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear. .
. .”
Will they be
taken aback? Momentarily.
Will they
get over it? Momentarily.
Will you be
in the conversation? Absolutely!
Technique
#15 - Never the Naked City
Whenever
someone asks you the inevitable, “And where are you from?” never, ever,
unfairly challenge their powers of imagination with a one-word answer. Learn
some engaging facts about your hometown
that
conversational partners can comment on. Then, when they say something clever in
response to your bait, they think you’re a great conversationalist.
Technique
#16 - Never the Naked Job
When asked
the inevitable “And what do you do,” you may think “I’m an economist/an
educator/an engineer” is giving enough information to engender good conversation.
However, to one who is not an economist, educator, or an engineer, you might as
well be saying “I’m a paleontologist/psychoanalyst/pornographer.” Flesh it
out. Throw out some delicious facts about your job for new acquaintances to
munch on. Otherwise,
they’ll soon excuse themselves, preferring the snacks back at the cheese tray.
Technique
#17 - Never the Naked Introduction
When
introducing people, don’t throw out an unbaited hook and stand there grinning
like a big clam, leaving the newlyweds to flutter their fins and fish for a
topic. Bait the conversational hook to get them in the swim of things. Then
you’re free to stay or float on to the next networking opportunity.
Technique
#18 - Be a Word Detective
Like a good
gumshoe, listen to your conversation partner’s every word for clues to his or
her preferred
topic. The
evidence is bound to slip out. Then spring on that subject like a sleuth on to
a slip of the tongue. Like Sherlock Holmes, you have the clue to the subject that’s
hot for the other person.
Technique
#19 - The Swiveling Spotlight
When you
meet someone, imagine a giant revolving spotlight between you. When you’re
talking, the
spotlight is
on you. When the new person is speaking, it’s shining on him or her. If you
shine it brightly
enough, the
stranger will be blinded to the fact that you have hardly said a word about
yourself. The longer you keep it shining
away from you, the more interesting he or she finds you.
Technique
#20 – Parroting
Never be
left speechless again. Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your
conversation partner
says. That
puts the ball right back in his or her court, and then all you need to do is
listen.
Technique
#21 - Encore!
The sweetest
sound a performer can hear welling up out of the applause is “Encore! Encore!
Let’s hear it
again!” The
sweetest sound your conversation partner can hear from your lips when you’re
talking with a group of people is “Tell them about the time you . . .” Whenever you’re at a meeting or party with
someone
important to you, think of some stories he or she told you. Choose an
appropriate one from their repertoire that the crowd will enjoy. Then shine the
spotlight by requesting a repeat performance.
Technique
#22 - Ac-cen-tu-ate the Pos-i-tive
When first
meeting someone, lock your closet door and save your skeletons for later. You
and your new good friend can invite the skeletons out, have a good laugh, and
dance over their bones later in the relationship. But now’s the time, as the
old song says, to “ac-cen-tu-ate the pos-i-tive and elim-i-nate the
neg-a-tive.”
Technique
#23 - The Latest News . . . Don’t Leave Home Without It
The last
move to make before leaving for the party— even after you’ve given yourself
final approval in the mirror—is to turn on the radio news or scan your newspaper.
Anything that happened today is good
material.
Knowing the big-deal news of the moment is also a defensive move that rescues
you from putting your foot in your mouth by asking what everybody’s talking
about. Foot-in-mouth is not very tasty in public, especially when it’s
surrounded by egg-on-face.
Technique
#24 - What Do You Do—NOT!
A sure sign
you’re a Somebody is the conspicuous absence of the question, “What do you do?”
(You determine this, of course, but not with those four dirty words that label
you as either a ruthless networker, a social climber, a gold-digging husband or
wife hunter, or someone who’s never strolled along Easy Street.)
So how do
you find out what someone does for a living? (I thought you’d never ask.) You
simply practice the following eight words. All together now: “How . . . do . .
. you . . . spend . . . most . . .of . . . your . . . time?”
Technique
#25 - The Nutshell Résumé
Just as
job-seeking top managers roll a different written résumé off their printers for
each position they’re applying for, let a different true story about your professional
life roll off your tongue for each listener. Before responding to “What do you
do?” ask yourself, “What possible interest could this person have in my answer?
Could he refer business to me? Buy from me? Hire me? Marry my sister? Become my
buddy?” Wherever you go, pack a nutshell about your own life to work into your
communications bag of tricks.
Technique
#26 - Your Personal Thesaurus
Look up some
common words you use every day in the thesaurus. Then, like slipping your feet
into a new pair of shoes, slip your tongue into a few new words to see how they
fit. If you like them, start making permanent replacements. Remember, only
fifty words makes the difference between a rich, creative vocabulary and an
average, middle-of-the-road one.
Substitute a word a day for two months and you’ll be in the verbally elite.
Technique
#27 - Kill the Quick “Me, Too!”
Whenever you
have something in common with someone, the longer you wait to reveal it, the
more
moved (and
impressed) he or she will be. You emerge as a confident big cat, not a lonely
little stray, hungry for quick connection with a stranger. P.S.: Don’t wait too
long to reveal your shared
interest or
it will seem like you’re being tricky.
Technique
#28 - Comm-YOU-nication
Start every
appropriate sentence with you. It immediately grabs your listener’s attention.
It gets a more
positive
response because it pushes the pride button and saves them having to translate
it into “me” terms. When you sprinkle you as liberally as salt and pepper
throughout your conversation, your listeners find it an irresistible spice.
Big winners
know there’s a three-letter word more potent then SEX to get people’s
attention. That word
is YOU. Comm-YOU-nicate
Your Compliments.
Technique
#29 - The Exclusive Smile
If you flash
everybody the same smile, like a Confederate dollar, it loses value. When
meeting groups of
people,
grace each with a distinct smile. Let your smiles grow out of the beauty big
players find in each new face. If one person in a group is more important to
you than the others, reserve an especially big, flooding smile just for him or
her.
Technique
#30 - Don’t Touch a Cliché with a Ten-Foot Pole
Be on guard.
Don’t use any clichés when chatting with big winners. Don’t even touch one with
a ten-foot pole. Never? Not even when hell freezes over? Not unless you want to
sound dumb as a doorknob.
Instead of
coughing up a cliché, roll your own clever phrases by using the next technique.
Mouthing a
common cliché around uncommonly successful people brands you as uncommonly
common.
Technique
#31 - Use Jawsmith’s Jive
Whether
you’re standing behind a podium facing thousands or behind the barbecue grill
facing your
family,
you’ll move, amuse, and motivate with the same skills. Read speakers’ books to
cull quotations, pull pearls of wisdom, and get gems to tickle their funny
bones. Find a few bon mots to let casually slide off your tongue on chosen
occasions. If you want to be notable, dream up a crazy quotable.
Make ’em
rhyme, make ’em clever, or make ’em funny. Above all, make ’em relevant.
Many
speakers use author’s and speaker’s agent Lilly Walters’s face-saver lines from
her book, What to Say When You’re Dying on the Platform. Chicken soup for the
soul is another such book.
Professional
speakers use their hands, they use their bodies and they use specific gestures
with heavy impact. They think about the space they are talking in. They employ
many different tones of voice , they invoke various expressions, they vary the
speed with which they speak…. And they make effective use of silence (pause).
Technique
#32 - Call a Spade a Spade
Don’t hide
behind euphemisms. Call a spade a spade. That doesn’t mean big cats use
tasteless four-letter words when perfectly decent five- and six-letter ones exist.
They’ve simply learned the King’s English, and they speak it. Here’s another
way to tell the big players from the little ones just by listening to a few
minutes of their conversation.
Technique
#33 - Trash the Teasing
A dead
giveaway of a little cat is his or her proclivity to tease. An innocent joke at
someone else’s expense may get you a cheap laugh. Nevertheless, the big cats
will have the last one. Because you’ll bang your head against the glass ceiling
they construct to keep little cats from stepping on their paws.
Never, ever,
make a joke at anyone else’s expense. You’ll wind up paying for it, dearly.
Technique
#34 - It’s the Receiver’s Ball
A football
player wouldn’t last two beats of the time clock if he made blind passes. A pro
throws the ball
with the
receiver always in mind. Before throwing out any news, keep your receiver in mind.
Then deliver it with a smile, a sigh, or
a sob. Not according to how you feel about the news, but how the
receiver
will take it.
Technique
#35 - The Broken Record
Whenever
someone persists in questioning you on an unwelcome subject, simply repeat your
original
response.
Use precisely the same words in precisely the same tone of voice. Hearing it
again usually quiets them down. If your rude interrogator hangs on like a leech,
your next repetition never fails to flick them off.
Technique
#36 - Big Shots Don’t Slobber
People who
are VIPs in their own right don’t slobber over celebrities. When you are
chatting with one, don’t compliment her work, simply say how much pleasure or insight
it’s given you. If you do single out any one of the star’s accomplishments,
make sure it’s a recent one, not a memory that’s getting yellow in her
scrapbook. If the queen bee has a drone sitting with her, find a way to involve
him in the conversation.
Technique
#37 - Never the Naked Thank You
Never let
the phrase “thank you” stand alone. From A to Z, always follow it with for:
from “Thank you for
asking” to
“Thank you for zipping me up.”
Technique
#38 - Scramble Therapy
Once a
month, scramble your life. Do something you’d never dream of doing. Participate
in a sport, go to an exhibition, hear a lecture on something totally out of your
experience. You get 80 percent of the right lingo and insider questions from
just one exposure.
Technique
#39 - Learn a Little Jobbledygook
Big winners
speak Jobbledygook as a second language. What is Jobbledygook? It’s the
language of other
professions.
Why speak it? It makes you sound like an insider. How do you learn it? You’ll
find no Jobbledygook cassettes in the language section of your bookstore, but the
lingo is easy to pick up. Simply ask a friend who speaks the lingo of the crowd
you’ll be with to teach you a few opening questions. The words are few and the
rewards are manifold.
Technique
#40 - Baring Their Hot Button
Before
jumping blindly into a bevy of bookbinders or a drove of dentists, find out
what the hot issues are in their fields. Every industry has burning concerns
the outside world knows little about. Ask your informant to bare the industry
buzz. Then, to heat the conversation up, push those buttons.
Technique
#41 - Read Their Rags
Is your next
big client a golfer, runner, swimmer, surfer, or skier? Are you attending a
social function filled with accountants or Zen Buddhists—or anything in
between? There are untold thousands of monthly magazines serving every
imaginable interest. You can dish up more information than you’ll ever need to
sound like an insider with anyone just by reading the rags that serve their
racket. (Have you read your latest copy of Zoonooz yet?)
Technique
#42 - Clear “Customs”
Before
putting one toe on foreign soil, get a book on dos and taboos around the world.
Before you shake
hands, give
a gift, make gestures, or even compliment anyone’s possessions, check it out.
Your gaffe could gum up your entire gig.
Technique
#43 - Bluffing for Bargains
The haggling
skills used in ancient Arab markets are alive and well in contemporary America
for big-ticket items. Your price is much lower when you know how to deal. Before
every big purchase, find several vendors—a few to learn from and one to buy
from. Armed with a few words of industryese, you’re ready to head for the store
where you’re going to buy.
Technique
#44 - Be a Copyclass
Watch
people. Look at the way they move. Small movements? Big movements? Fast? Slow?
Jerky? Fluid? Old? Young? Classy? Trashy?
Pretend the
person you are talking to is your dance instructor. Is he a jazzy mover? Is she
a balletic mover? Watch his or her body, then imitate the style of movement.
That makes your conversation partner subliminally real comfy with you.
Technique
#45 – Echoing
Echoing is a
simple linguistic technique that packs a powerful wallop. Listen to the
speaker’s arbitrary choice of nouns, verbs, prepositions, adjectives—and echo them
back. Hearing their words come out of your mouth creates subliminal rapport. It
makes them feel you share their values, their attitudes, their interests, their
experiences.
Technique
#46 - Potent Imaging
Does your
customer have a garden? Talk about “sowing the seeds for success.” Does your
boss own a boat? Tell him or her about a concept that will “hold water” or “stay
afloat.” Maybe he is a private pilot? Talk about a concept really “taking off.”
She plays tennis? Tell her it really hits the “sweet spot.”
Evoke your
listener’s interests or lifestyle and weave images around it. To give your
points more power and punch, use analogies from your listener’s world, not your
own. Potent Imaging also tells your listeners you think like them and hints you
share their interests.
Technique
#47 - Employ Empathizers
Don’t be an
unconscious ummer. Vocalize complete sentences to show your understanding. Dust
your
dialogue
with phrases like “I see what you mean.” Sprinkle it with sentimental sparklers
like “That’s a
lovely thing
to say.” Your empathy impresses your listeners and encourages them to continue.
Technique #48
- Anatomically Correct Empathizers
What part of
their anatomy are your associates talking through? Their eyes? Their ears?
Their gut?
For visual
people, use visual empathizers to make them think you see the world the way
they do. For
auditory
folks, use auditory empathizers to make them think you hear them loud and
clear. For kinesthetic types, use kinesthetic empathizers to make them think you
feel the same way they do.
Technique
#49 - The Premature WE
Create the
sensation of intimacy with someone even if you’ve met just moments before.
Scramble the signals in their psyche by skipping conversational levels one and
two and cutting right to levels three and four. Elicit intimate feelings by
using the magic words we, us, and our.
Fascinating progression
of conversation unfolds as people become closer. Here’s how it develops:
Level One:
Clichés
Level Two:
Facts
Level Three:
Feelings and Personal Questions
Level Four:
We Statements
Technique
#50 - Instant History
When you
meet a stranger you’d like to make less a stranger, search for some special
moment you shared during your first encounter. Then find a few words that reprieve
the laugh, the warm smile, the good feelings the two of you felt. Now, just
like old friends, you have a history together, an Instant History. With anyone
you’d like to make part of your personal or professional future, look for
special
moments
together. Then make them a refrain.
Technique
#51 - Grapevine Glory
A compliment
one hears is never as exciting as the one he overhears. A priceless way to
praise is not by
telephone,
not by telegraph, but by tell-a-friend. This way you escape possible suspicion
that you are an
apple-polishing,
bootlicking, egg-sucking, backscratching sycophant trying to win brownie points.
You
also leave
recipients with the happy fantasy that you are telling the whole world about
their greatness.
Technique
#52 - Carrier Pigeon Kudos
People
immediately grow a beak and metamorphosize themselves into carrier pigeons when
there’s bad news. (It’s called gossip.) Instead, become a carrier of good news
and kudos. Whenever you hear something complimentary about someone, fly to them
with the compliment. Your fans may not posthumously stuff you and put you on
display in a museum like Stumpy Joe. But everyone loves the carrier pigeon of
kind thoughts.
Technique
#53 - Implied Magnificence
Throw a few
comments into your conversation that presuppose something positive about the
person you’re talking with. But be careful. Don’t blow it like the
wellintentioned maintenance man. Or the southern boy who, at the prom, thought
he was flattering his date when he told her, “Gosh, Mary Lou, for a fat gal you
dance real good.”
Technique
#54 - Accidental Adulation
Become an
undercover complimenter. Stealthily sneak praise into the parenthetical part of
your sentence. Just don’t try to quiz anyone later on your main point. The
joyful jolt of your accidental adulation strikes them temporarily deaf to
anything that follows.
Technique
#55 - Killer Compliment
Whenever you
are talking with a stranger you’d like to make part of your professional or
personal future, search for one attractive, specific, and unique quality he or
she has.
At the end
of the conversation, look the individual right in the eye. Say his or her name
and proceed to
curl all ten
toes with the Killer Compliment.
Rule #1:
Deliver your Killer Compliment to the recipient in private
Rule #2:
Make your Killer Compliment credible
Rule #3:
Confer only one Killer Compliment per half year on each recipient
Technique #56
- Little Strokes
Don’t make
your colleagues, your friends, your loved ones look at you and silently say,
“Haven’t I been pretty good today?” Let them know how much you appreciate them
by caressing them with verbal Little Strokes like “Nice job!” “Well done!”
“Cool!”
Technique
#57 - The Knee-Jerk “Wow!”
Quick as a
blink, you must praise people the moment they a finish a feat. In a wink, like
a knee-jerk reaction say, “You were terrific!” Don’t worry that they won’t
believe you. The euphoria of the moment has a strangely numbing effect on the
achiever’s objective judgment.
Technique
#58 – Boomeranging
Just as a
boomerang flies right back to the thrower, let compliments boomerang right back
to the giver. Like the French, quickly murmur something that expresses “That’s
very kind of you.”
Technique
#59 - The Tombstone Game
Ask the
important people in your life what they would like engraved on their tombstone.
Chisel it into your memory but don’t mention it again. Then, when the moment is
right to say “I appreciate you” or “I love you,” fill the blanks with the very
words they gave you weeks earlier.
You take
people’s breath away when you feed their deepest self-image to them in a
compliment. “At last,” they say to themselves, “someone who loves me for who I
truly am.”
Technique
#60 - Talking Gestures
Think of
yourself as the star of a personal radio drama every time you pick up the
phone. If you want to come across as engaging as you are, you must turn your smiles
into sound, your nods into noise, and all your gestures into something your
listener can hear. You must replace your gestures with talk. Then punch up the
whole act 30 percent!
Technique
#61 - Name Shower
People perk
up when they hear their own name. Use it more often on the phone than you would
in person to keep their attention. Your caller’s name re-creates the eye
contact, the caress, you might give in person.
Saying
someone’s name repeatedly when face-to-face sounds pandering. But because there
is physical distance between you on the phone—sometimes you’re a continent apart—you
can spray your conversation with it.
Technique
#62 - “Oh Wow, It’s You!”
Don’t answer
the phone with an “I’m just sooo happy all the time” attitude. Answer warmly,
crisply, and
professionally.
Then, after you hear who is calling, let a huge smile of happiness engulf your
entire face and spill over into your voice. You make your caller feel as though
your giant warm fuzzy smile is reserved for him or her.
Technique
#63 - The Sneaky Screen
If you must
screen your calls, instruct your staff to first say cheerfully, “Oh yes, I’ll
put you right through. May I tell her who’s calling?” If the party has already identified
himself, it’s “Oh of course, Mr. Whoozit. I’ll put you right through.” When the
secretary comes back with the bad news that Mr. or Ms. Bigwig is unavailable,
callers don’t take it personally and never feel screened. They fall for it every time, just like I did.
Technique
#64 - Salute the Spouse
Whenever you
are calling someone’s home, always identify and greet the person who answers.
Whenever you call someone’s office more than once or twice, make friends with
the secretary. Anybody who is close enough to answer the phone is close enough
to sway the VIP’s opinion of you.
Technique
#65 - What Color Is Your Time?
No matter
how urgent you think your call, always begin by asking the person about timing.
Either use the What Color Is Your Time? device or simply ask, “Is this a
convenient time for you to talk?” When you ask about timing first, you’ll never
smash your footprints right in the middle of your telephone partner’s sands of time.
You’ll never get a “No!” just because your timing wasn’t right.
Technique
#66 - Constantly Changing Outgoing Message
If you want
to be perceived as conscientious and reliable, leave a short, professional, and
friendly
greeting as
your outgoing message. No music. No jokes. No inspirational messages. No
boasts, bells, or whistles. And here’s the secret: change it every day. Your
message doesn’t have to be flawless. A little cough or stammer gives a lovely
unpretentious reality to your message.
Technique
#67 - Your Ten-Second Audition
While
dialing, clear your throat. If an answering machine picks up, pretend the beep
is a big Broadway
producer
saying “Nexxxt.” Now you’re on. This is Your Ten-Second Audition to prove you
are worthy of a
quick
callback.
Technique
#68 - The Ho-Hum Caper
Instead of
using your party’s name, casually let the pronoun he or she roll off your
tongue. Forget “Uh,
may I speak
to Ms. Bigshot please?” Just announce “Hi, Bob Smith here, is she in?” Tossing
the familiar
she off your
tongue signals to the secretary that you and her boss are old buddies.
Technique
#69 - “I Hear Your Other Line”
When you
hear a phone in the background, stop speaking—in midsentence, if necessary—and
say “I
hear your
other line,” (or your dog barking, your baby crying, your spouse calling you).
Ask whether she has to attend to it. Whether she does or not, she’ll know you’re
a top communicator for asking.
Technique
#70 - Instant Replay
Record all
your business conversations and listen to them again. The second or third time,
you pick up on significant subtleties you missed the first time. It’s like football
fans who often don’t know if there was a fumble until they see it all over
again in Instant Replay.
Technique
#71 - Munching or Mingling
Politicians
want to be eyeball to eyeball and belly to belly with their constituents. Like
any big winner well versed in the science of proxemics and spatial relationships,
they know any object except their belt
buckle has
the effect of a brick wall between two people. Therefore they never hold food
or drink at a
party. Come to munch or come to mingle. But do not expect
to do both. Like a good politician, chow down before you come.
Politicians
always eat before they come to the party. They know they’d need a circus
juggler’s talent to shake hands, exchange business cards, hold a drink, and
stuff crackers and cheese into their mouths—all with just two hands.
Technique
#72 - Rubberneck the Room
When you
arrive at the gathering, stop dramatically in the doorway. Then s-l-o-w-l-y
survey the situation. Let your eyes travel back and forth like a SWAT team ready
in a heartbeat to wipe out anything that moves.
Technique
#73 - Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee
The lifelong
friend, the love of your life, or the business contact who will transform your
future may not be at the party. However, someday, somewhere, he or she will be.
Make every party a rehearsal for the big event. Do not stand around waiting for
the moment when that special person approaches you. You make it happen by
exploring every face in the room. No more “ships passing in the night.” Capture
whatever or whomever you want in your life.
Technique
#74 - Come-Hither Hands
Be a human
magnet, not a human repellent. When standing at a gathering, arrange your body
in an open position—especially your arms and hands. People instinctively
gravitate toward open palms and wrists seductively arranged in the “come
hither” position.
They shy
away from knuckles in the “get lost or I’ll punch you” position. Use your
wrists and palms to say
“I have
nothing to hide,” “I accept you and what you’re saying,” or “I find you sexy.”
Technique
#75 – Tracking
Like an
air-traffic controller, track the tiniest details of your conversation
partners’ lives. Refer to them in your conversation like a major news story. It
creates a powerful sense of intimacy.
When you
invoke the last major or minor event in anyone’s life, it confirms the deep
conviction that he or she is an old-style hero around whom the world revolves.
And people love you for recognizing their
stardom.
Technique
#76 - The Business Card Dossier
Right after
you’ve talked to someone at a party, take out your pen. On the back of his or
her business card write notes to remind you of the conversation: his favorite
restaurant, sport, movie, or drink; whom she admires, where she grew up, a high
school honor; or maybe a joke he told.
In your next
communication, toss off a reference to the favorite restaurant, sport, movie,
drink, hometown,high school honor. Or reprieve the laugh over the great joke.
Technique
#77 - Eyeball Selling
The human
body is a twenty-four-hour broadcasting station that transmits “You thrill me.”
“You bore me.” “I love that aspect of your product.” “That one puts my feet to
sleep.” Set the hidden cameras behind your eyeballs to pick up on all your
customers’ and friends’ signals. Then plan your pitch and your pace
accordingly.
Technique
#78 - See No Bloopers, Hear No Bloopers
Cool
communicators allow their friends, associates, acquaintances, and loved ones
the pleasurable myth of being above commonplace bloopers and embarrassing biological
functions. They simply don’t notice their comrades’ minor spills, slips,
fumbles, and faux pas.
They
obviously ignore raspberries and all other signs of human frailty in their
fellow mortals. Big winners never gape at another’s gaffes.
Technique
#79 - Lend a Helping Tongue
Whenever
someone’s story is aborted, let the interruption play itself out. Give everyone
time to dote on the little darling, give their dinner order, or pick up the jagged
pieces of china. Then, when the group reassembles, simply say to the person who
suffered story-interruptus, “Now please get back to your story.” Or better yet,
remember where they were and then ask, “So what happened after the . . .”
(and fill in
the last few words).
Technique
#80 - Bare the Buried WIIFM (and WIIFY)
Whenever you
suggest a meeting or ask a favor, divulge the respective benefits. Reveal
what’s in it for you and what’s in it for the other person—even if it’s zip. If
any hidden agenda comes up later, you get labeled a sly fox.
Technique
#81 - Let ’Em Savor the Favor
Whenever a
friend agrees to a favor, allow your generous buddy time to relish the joy of
his or her
beneficence
before you make them pay the piper. How long? At least twenty-four hours.
Technique
#82 - Tit for (Wait . . . Wait) Tat
When you do
someone a favor and it’s obvious that “he owes you one,” wait a suitable amount
of time before asking him to “pay.” Let him enjoy the fact (or fiction) that
you did it out of friendship. Don’t call in your tit for their tat too swiftly.
Technique
#83 - Parties Are for Pratter
There are
three sacred safe havens in the human jungle where even the toughest tiger
knows he must not attack. The first of these is parties. Parties are for
pleasantries and good fellowship, not for confrontations. Big players, even
when standing next to their enemies at the buffet table, smile and nod.
They leave
tough talk for tougher settings.
Technique
#84 - Dinner’s for Dining
The most
guarded safe haven respected by big winners is the dining table. Breaking bread
together is a time when they bring up no unpleasant matters. While eating, they
know it’s OK to brainstorm and discuss the positive side of the business: their
dreams, their desires, their designs. They can free associate and come up with new
ideas. But no tough business.
Technique
#85 - Chance Encounters Are for Chitchat
If you’re
selling, negotiating, or in any sensitive communication with someone, do NOT
capitalize on a
chance
meeting. Keep the melody of your mistaken meeting sweet and light. Otherwise,
it could turn into your swan song with Big Winner.
Technique
#86 - Empty Their Tanks
If you need
information, let people have their entire say first. Wait patiently until their
needle is on empty and the last drop drips out and splashes on the cement. It’s
the only way to be sure their tank is empty enough of their own inner noise to
start receiving your ideas.
Technique
#87 - Echo the Emo
Facts speak.
Emotions shout. Whenever you need facts from people about an emotional
situation, let them emote. Hear their facts but empathize like mad with their
emotions. Smearing on the emo is often the only way to calm their emotional
storm.
Technique
#88 My Goof, Your Gain
Whenever you
make a boner, make sure your victim benefits. It’s not enough to correct your
mistake. Ask yourself, “What could I do for this suffering soul so he or she
will be delighted I made the flub?” Then do it, fast! In that way, your goof
will become your gain.
Technique
#89 - Leave an Escape Hatch
Whenever you
catch someone lying, filching, exaggerating, distorting, or deceiving, don’t
confront the dirty duck directly. Unless it is your responsibility to catch or correct
the culprit—or unless you are saving other innocent victims by doing so—let the
transgressor out of your trap with his tricky puss in one piece. Then resolve
never to gaze upon it again.
Technique
#90 - Buttercups for Their Boss
Do you have
a store clerk, accountant, law firm junior partner, tailor, auto mechanic,
maître d’, massage
therapist,
kid’s teacher—or any other worker you want special attention from in the
future? The surefire way to make them care enough to give you their very best
is send a buttercup to their boss.
Technique
#91 - Lead the Listeners
No matter
how prominent the big cat behind the podium is, crouched inside is a little
scaredy-cat who is
anxious
about the crowd’s acceptance. Big winners recognize you’re a fellow big winner when
they see you leading their listeners in a positive reaction. Be the first to
applaud or publicly commend the man or woman you agree with (or want favors from).
Technique
#92 - The Great Scorecard in the Sky
Any two
people have an invisible scorecard hovering above their heads. The numbers
continually fluctuate, but one rule remains: player with lower score pays deference
to player with higher score. The penalty for not keeping your eye on The Great
Scorecard in the Sky is to be thrown out of the game. Permanently.
