January 18, 2022

Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School Paperback by John Medina

 Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School Paperback by John Medina 


Rule #1 - Exercise boosts brainpower


  • Our brains were built for walking—12 miles a day!

  • To improve your thinking skills, move.

  • Exercise gets blood to your brain, bringing it glucose for energy and oxygen to soak up the toxic electrons that are leftover. It also stimulates the protein that keeps neurons connecting.

  • Aerobic exercise just twice a week halves your risk of general dementia. It cuts your risk of Alzheimer’s by 60 Percent.


Rule #2 - The human brain evolved, too.

  • We don’t have one brain in our heads; we have three. 

  • We started with a “lizard brain” to keep us breathing, then added a brain like a cat’s, and then topped those with the thin layer of Jell-O known as the cortex—the third, and powerful, “human” brain.

  • We took over the Earth by adapting to change itself after we were forced from the trees to the savannah when climate swings disrupted our food supply.

  • Going from four legs to two to walk on the savannah freed up energy to develop a complex brain.

  • Symbolic reasoning is uniquely human talent. It may have arisen from our need to understand one another’s intentions and motivations, allowing us to coordinate within a group.


Rule #3 - Every brain is wired differently.

  • What you do and learn in life physically changes what your brain looks like—it literally rewires it.

  • The various regions of the brain develop at different rates in different people.

  • No two people’s brains store the same information in the same way in the same place.

  • We have a great number of ways of being intelligent, many of which don’t show up on IQ tests.


Rule #4 - People don’t pay attention to boring things.

  • The brain’s attentional “spotlight” can focus on only one thing at a time: no multitasking.

  • We are better at seeing patterns and abstracting the meaning of an event than we are at recording detail.

  • Emotional arousal helps the brain learn.

  • Audiences check out after 10 minutes, but you can keep grabbing them back by telling narratives or creating events rich in emotion.


Rule #5 - Repeat to remember.

  • The brain has many types of memory systems. One type follows four stages of processing: encoding, storing, retrieving, and forgetting.

  • Information coming into your brain is immediately split into fragments that are sent to different regions of the cortex for storage.

  • Most of the events that predict whether something learned also will be remembered to occur in the first few seconds of learning. The more elaborately we encode a memory during its initial moments, the stronger it will be.

  • You can improve your chances of remembering something if you reproduce the environment in which you first put it into your brain.


Rule #6 - Remember to repeat.

  • Most memories disappear within minutes, but those that survive the fragile period strengthen with time.

  • Long-term memories are formed in a two-way conversation between the hippocampus and the cortex until the hippocampus breaks the connection and the memory is fixed in the cortex—which can take years.

  • Our brains give us only an approximate view of reality because they mix new knowledge with past memories and store them together as one.

  • The way to make long-term memory more reliable is to incorporate new information gradually and repeat it in timed intervals.


Rule #7 - Sleep well, think well.

  • The brain is in a constant state of tension between cells and chemicals that try to put you to sleep and cells and chemicals that try to keep you awake.

  • The neurons of your brain show vigorous rhythmical activity when you’re asleep—perhaps replaying what you learned that day.

  • People vary in how much sleep they need and when they prefer to get it, but the biological drive for an afternoon nap is universal., 

  • Loss of sleep hurts attention, executive function, working memory, mood, quantitative skills, logical reasoning, and even motor dexterity.



Rule #8 - Stressed brains don’t learn the same way.

  • Your body’s defense system—the release of adrenaline and cortisol—is built for an immediate response to a serious but passing danger, such as a saber-toothed tiger. Chronic stress, such as hostility at home, dangerously deregulates a system built only to deal with short-term responses.

  • Under chronic stress, adrenaline creates scars in your blood vessels that can cause a heart attack or stroke, and cortisol damages the cells of the hippocampus, crippling your ability to learn and remember.

  • Individually, the worst kind of stress is the feeling that you have no control over the problem—you are helpless.

  • Emotional stress has huge impacts across society, on children’s ability to learn in school and on employees’ productivity at work. 


Rule #9 - Stimulate more of the senses at the same time.

  • We absorb information about an event through our senses, translate it into electrical signals (some for sight, others from sound, etc.), disperse those signals to separate parts of the brain, then reconstruct what happened, eventually perceiving the event as a whole.

  • The brain seems to rely partly on past experience in deciding how to combine these signals, so two people can perceive the same event very differently.

  • Our senses evolved to work together—vision influencing hearing, for example—which means that we learn best if we stimulate several senses at once.

  • Smells have an unusual power to bring back memories, maybe because smell signals bypass the thalamus and head straight to their destinations, which include that supervisor of emotions known as the amygdala.


Rule #10 - Vision trumps all other senses.

  • Vision is by far our most dominant sense, taking up half of our brain’s resources.

  • What we see is only what our brain tells us we see, and it’s not 100 percent accurate.

  • The visual analysis we do has many steps. The retina assembles photons into little movie-like streams of information. The visual cortex processes these streams, some areas registering motion, others registering color, etc. Finally, we combine that information back together so we can see.

  • We learn and remember best through pictures, not through written or spoken words.



Rule #11 - Male and female brains are different.

  • The X chromosome that males have one of and females have two of—though one acts as a backup—is a cognitive “hot spot,” carrying an unusually large percentage of genes involved in brain manufacture.

  • Women are genetically more complex because the active X chromosomes in their cells are a mix of Moms and dads. Men’s X chromosomes all come from Mom, and their Y chromosome carries less than 100 genes, compared with about 1,500 for the X chromosome.

  • Men’s and women’s brains are different structurally and biochemically—men have a bigger amygdala and produce serotonin faster, for example—but we don’t know if those differences have significance.

  • Men and women respond differently to acute stress: Women activate the left hemisphere’s amygdala and remember the emotional details. Men use the right amygdala and get the gist.


Rule #12 - We are powerful and natural explorers.

  • Babies are the model of how we learn—not by passive reaction to the environment but by active testing through observation, hypothesis, experiment, and conclusion.

  • Specific parts of the brain allow this scientific approach. The right prefrontal cortex looks for errors in our hypothesis (“The saber-toothed tiger is not harmless”), and an adjoining region tells us to change behavior (“Run!”). 

  • We can recognize and imitate behavior because of “mirror neurons” scattered across the brain.

  • Some parts of our adult brains stay as malleable as a baby’s, so we can create neurons and learn new things throughout our lives.


January 15, 2022

Skin in the Game: Hidden Asymmetries in Daily Life by Nassim Nicholas Taleb

 Skin in the Game: Hidden Asymmetries in Daily Life by Nassim Nicholas Taleb


Skin in the Game is about four topics in one: a) uncertainty and the reliability of knowledge (both practical and scientific, assuming there is a difference), or in less polite words bull***t detection, b) symmetry in human affairs, that is, fairness, justice, responsibility, and reciprocity, c) information sharing in transactions, and d) rationality in complex systems and in the real world.


The knowledge we get by tinkering, via trial and error, experience, and the workings of time, in other words, contact with the earth, is vastly superior to that obtained through reasoning, something self-serving institutions have been very busy hiding from us.


A collection of people classified as interventionists (to name names of people operating at the time of writing: Bill Kristol, Thomas Friedman, and others)not only lack practical sense, and never learn from history, but they even fail at pure reasoning, which they drown in elaborate semiabstract buzzword-laden discourse. Their three flaws: 

1) they think in statics not dynamics, 

2) they think in low, not high, dimensions, 

3) they think in terms of actions, never interactions. 


We will see in more depth throughout the book this defect of mental reasoning by educated (or, rather, semi-educated) fools. The first flaw is that they are incapable of thinking in second steps and unaware of the need for them—and about every peasant in Mongolia, every waiter in Madrid, and every car-service operator in San Francisco knows that real life happens to have second, third, fourth, nth steps. The second flaw is that they are also incapable of distinguishing between multidimensional problems and their single-dimensional representations. They can’t get the idea that, empirically, complex systems do not have obvious one-dimensional cause-and-effect mechanisms, and that under opacity, you do not mess with such a system. The third flaw is that they can’t forecast the evolution of those one helps by attacking, or the magnification one gets from feedback.


Bureaucracy is a construction by which a person is conveniently separated from the consequences of his or her actions.


Kant: theory is too theoretical for humans. The more confined our ethics, the less abstract, the better it works. 


A saying by the brothers Geoff and Vince Graham summarizes the ludicrousness of scale-free political universalism.

I am, at the Fed level, libertarian;

at the state level, Republican;

at the local level, Democrat;

and at the family and friends level, a socialist.

If that saying doesn’t convince you of the fatuousness of left vs. right labels, nothing will.


You need to remember that, when you visit a medical office, you will be facing someone who, in spite of his authoritative demeanor, is in a fragile situation. He is not you, not a member of your family, so he has no direct emotional loss should your health experience a degradation. His objective is, naturally, to avoid a lawsuit, something that can prove disastrous to his career. both the doctor and the patient have skin in the game, though not perfectly, but administrators don’t—and they seem to be the cause of the troubling malfunctioning of the system. Administrators everywhere on the planet, in all businesses and pursuits, and at all times in history, have been the plague.


Muslims and Jews have near-identical slaughter rules (all kosher is halal for most Sunni Muslims or was so in past centuries, but the reverse is not true). Now consider this manifestation of the dictatorship of the minority. In the United Kingdom, where the (practicing) Muslim population is only 3 to 4 percent, a very high proportion of the meat we find is halal. Close to 70 percent of lamb imports from New Zealand are halal. Close to 10 percent of Subway stores carry halal-only meat (meaning no pork), in spite of the high costs of losing the business of ham eaters (like myself). The same holds in South Africa, which has about the same proportion of Muslims. There, a disproportionately high share of chicken is halal certified. 


THE ONE-WAY STREET OF RELIGIONS


The two asymmetric rules are as follows. First, under Islamic law, if a non-Muslim man marries a Muslim woman, he needs to convert to Islam—and if either parent of a child happens to be Muslim, the child will be Muslim.*3 Second, becoming Muslim is irreversible, as apostasy is the heaviest crime under the religion, sanctioned by the death penalty. The famous Egyptian actor Omar Sharif, born Mikhael Demetri Shalhoub, came from a Lebanese Christian family. He converted to Islam to marry a famous Egyptian actress and had to change his name to an Arabic one. He later divorced but did not revert to the faith of his ancestors.


Under these two asymmetric rules, one can do simple simulations and see how a small Islamic group occupying Christian (Coptic) Egypt can lead, over the centuries, to the Copts becoming a tiny minority. All one needs is a small rate of interfaith marriages. Likewise, one can see how Judaism doesn’t spread and tends to stay in the minority, as the religion has weaker rules: the mother is required to be Jewish. 


So all Islam did was out-stubborn Christianity, which itself won thanks to its own stubbornness. For before Islam, the original spread of Christianity in the Roman empire was largely due to…the blinding intolerance of Christians; their unconditional, aggressive, and recalcitrant proselytizing.


If, on the other hand, we merge all states of the USA in one, then the minority rule will prevail all across. This is the reason the U.S.A. works so well. How do books get banned? Certainly not because they offend the average person—most persons are passive and don’t really care, or don’t care enough to request the banning. From past episodes, it looks like all it takes is a few (motivated) activists for the banning of some books or the blacklisting of some people. The great philosopher and logician Bertrand Russell lost his job at the City University of New York owing to a letter by an angry—and stubborn—mother who did not wish to have her daughter in the same room as the fellow with a dissolute lifestyle and unruly ideas.


Once a moral rule is established, it will suffice to have a small, intransigent minority of geographically distributed followers to dictate a norm in society. The sad news is that one person looking at mankind as an aggregate may mistakenly believe that humans are spontaneously becoming more moral, better, and more gentle, with the better breath, when this applies to only a small proportion of mankind.


The overall stock markets currently represent more than thirty trillion dollars, but a single order in 2008, only fifty billion, that is, less than two-tenths of a percent of the total, triggered a drop of close to 10 percent, causing losses of around three trillion dollars. As retold in Antifragile, it was an order activated by the Parisian bank Société Générale, which discovered a hidden acquisition by a rogue trader and wanted to reverse the purchase. Why did the market react so disproportionately? Because the order was one-way—stubborn: they had to sell and there was no way to convince the management otherwise. My personal adage is: The market is like a large movie theater with a small door


Contractors are exceedingly free; as risk-takers, they fear mostly the law. But employees have a reputation to protect. And they can be fired.


People of some means have a country house—which is inefficient compared to hotels or rentals—because they want to make sure it is available if they decide they want to use it on a whim. There is a trader’s expression: Never buy when you can rent the three Fs: what you Float, what you Fly, and what you…(that something else). Yet many people own boats and planes and end up stuck with that something else.


By being employees they signal a certain type of domestication.

Someone who has been employed for a while is giving you strong evidence of submission. An employee is—by design—more valuable inside a firm than outside of it; that is, more valuable to the employer than the marketplace.


What matters isn’t what a person has or doesn’t have; it is what he or she is afraid of losing. The more you have to lose, the more fragile you are. 


Clearly, except for Putin, all the others need to be elected, can come under fire by their party, and have to calibrate every single statement with how it could be misinterpreted the least by the press. Watching Putin made me realize that domesticated (and sterilized) animals don’t stand a chance against a wild predator. Not a single one.


People whose survival depends on qualitative job assessments by someone of higher rank in an organization cannot be trusted for critical decisions.


Although employees are reliable by design, it remains the case that they cannot be trusted in making decisions, hard decisions, anything that entails serious tradeoffs. The employee has a very simple objective function: fulfill the tasks that his or her supervisor deems necessary, or satisfy some gameable metric.


We have been witnessing the same problem in the U.S. attitude toward Saudi Arabia. It is clear since the attack on the World Trade Center (in which most of the attackers were Saudi citizens) that someone in that non-partying kingdom had a hand—somehow—in the matter. But no bureaucrat, fearful of oil disruptions, made the right decision—instead, the absurd invasion of Iraq was endorsed because it appeared to be simpler. Since 2001 the policy for fighting Islamic terrorists has been, to put it politely, missing the elephant in the room, sort of like treating symptoms and completely missing the disease. The same thing happened in 2009 with the banks. I said in Prologue 1 that the Obama administration was complicit with the Bob Rubin trade. We have plenty of evidence that they were afraid of rocking the boat and contradicting the cronies.


The Intellectual Yet Idiot (IYI) is a product of modernity, hence has been proliferating since at least the mid-twentieth century, to reach a local supremum today, to the point that we have experienced a takeover by people without skin in the game When plebeians do something that makes sense to themselves, but not to him, the IYI uses the term uneducated. While rich people believe in one tax dollar one vote, more humanistic ones in one man one vote, Monsanto in one lobbyist one vote, the IYI believes in one Ivy League degree one vote, with some equivalence for foreign elite schools and PhDs, as these are needed in the club.


They are what Nietzsche called Bildungsphilisters—educated philistines. Beware the slightly erudite who thinks he is an erudite, as well as the barber who decides to perform brain surgery.


Michèle Lamont, the author of The Dignity of Working Men, cited by Williams, did a systematic interview of blue-collar Americans and found a resentment of high-paid professionals but, unexpectedly, not of the rich.


For instance, only 10 percent of the wealthiest five hundred American people or dynasties were so thirty years ago; more than 60 percent on the French list are heirs and a third of the richest Europeans were the richest centuries ago. In Florence, it was just revealed that things are even worse: the same handful of families have kept the wealth for five centuries.


You do not create dynamic equality just by raising the level of those at the bottom, but rather by making the rich rotate—or by forcing people to incur the possibility of creating an opening.


A good rule for society is to oblige those who start in public office to pledge never subsequently to earn from the private sector more than a set amount; the rest should go to the taxpayer. This will ensure sincerity in, literally, service—where employees are supposedly underpaid because of their emotional reward from serving society.


So there is an implicit bribe in civil service: you act as a servant to industry, say, Monsanto, and they take care of you later on. They do not do it out of a sense of honor: simply, it is necessary to keep the system going and encourage the next guy to play by these rules. The IYI-cum-cronyist former Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner—with whom I share the Calabrese barber of the Prologue—was overtly rewarded by the industry he helped bailout. He helped bankers get bailouts, let them pay themselves from the largest bonus pool in history after the crisis, in 2010 (that is, using taxpayer money), and then got a multimillion-dollar job at a financial institution as his reward for good behavior.


The pre-Socratic thinker Periander of Corinth wrote, more than twenty-five hundred years ago: Use laws that are old but food that is fresh. Likewise, Alfonso X of Spain, nicknamed El Sabio, the wise, had as a maxim: Burn old logs. Drink old wine. Read old books. Keep old friends. 


The insightful and luckily nonacademic historian Tom Holland once commented: The thing I most admire about the Romans was the utter contempt they were capable of showing the cult of youth. He also wrote: The Romans judged their political system by asking not whether it made sense but whether it worked. 


If you hear advice from a grandmother or elders, odds are that it works 90 percent of the time. On the other hand, in part because of scientism and academic prostitution, in part, because the world is hard. ​​Consider that a recent effort to replicate the hundred psychology papers in prestigious journals of 2008 found that, out of a hundred, only thirty-nine replicated. Of these thirty-nine, I believe that fewer than ten are actually robust and transfer outside the narrowness of the experiment. Similar defects have been found in medicine and neuroscience;


One should give more weight to research that, while being rigorous, contradicts other peers, particularly if it entails costs and reputational harm for its author. Someone with a high public presence who is controversial and takes risks for his opinion is less likely to be a bull***t vendor


  • Cognitive dissonance - the grapes they can’t reach got to be sour


  • Loss aversion (a psychological theory by which a loss is more painful than again is pleasant). Men feel the good less intensely than the bad


  • Negative advice (via negativa): We know the wrong better than what’s right; The good is not as good as the absence of bad


  • Skin in the game (literally): We start with the Yiddish proverb: You can’t chew with somebody else’s teeth. Your fingernail can best scratch your itch


  • The madness of crowds: Nietzsche: Madness is rare in individuals, but in groups, parties, nations, it is the rule.


Mediterranean societies are traditional ones in which the highest-ranking person is the one with the most skin in the game. And if anything characterizes today’s America, it is economic risk-taking, thanks to a happy transfer of martial values to business and commerce in Anglo-Saxon society. But history shows that there were—and still are—societies in which the intellectual was at the top. The Hindus held the Brahman to be first in the hierarchy, the Celts had the druids, the Egyptians had their scribes, and the Chinese had for a relatively brief time the scholar.


You can notice a remarkable similarity to the way these intellectuals held power and separated themselves from the rest: through complex, extremely elaborate rituals, mysteries that stay within the caste, and an overriding focus on the cosmetic. Consider the bishop in my parts, the Greek-Orthodox church: it’s a show of dignity. A bishop on rollerblades would no longer be a bishop. There is nothing wrong with the decorative if it remains what it is, decorative, as remains true today. However, science and business must not be decorative.


Alexander the great's THE GORDIAN KNOT incident is an example of Never pay for the complexity of presentation when all you need is results.


​​People who are bred, selected and compensated to find complicated solutions do not have an incentive to implement simplified ones. This is particularly acute in the meta-problem when the solution is about solving this very problem.


If anything, being rich you need to hide your money if you want to have what I call friends. This may be known; what is less obvious is that you may also need to hide your erudition and learning. People can only be social friends if they don’t try to upstage or outsmart one another. Indeed, the classical art of conversation is to avoid any imbalance, as in Baldassare Castiglione’s Book of the Courtier: people need to be equal, at least for the purpose of the conversation, otherwise, it fails. It has to be hierarchy-free and equal in contribution. 


If your private life conflicts with your intellectual opinion, it cancels your intellectual ideas, not your private life. If your private actions do not generalize, then you cannot have general ideas.


For most Jews today, religion has become ethnocultural, without the law—and for many, a nation. Same for Armenians, Syriacs, Chaldeans, Copts, and Maronites. For Orthodox and Catholic Christians, religion is largely aesthetics, pomp, and rituals. For Protestants, religion is belief without aesthetics, pomp, or law. Further East, for Buddhists, Shintoists, and Hindus, religion is practical and spiritual philosophy, with a code of ethics (and for some, a cosmogony). So when Hindus talk about the Hindu religion, it doesn’t mean the same thing to a Pakistani, and would certainly mean something different to a Persian.


There are people who are atheists in actions, religious in words (most Orthodox and Catholic Christians), and others who are religious in actions, religious in words (Salafi Islamists and suicide bombers) but I know of nobody who is atheist in both actions and words, completely devoid of rituals, respect for the dead, and superstitions 


Per Lindy: When the beard (or hair) is black, heed the reasoning, but ignore the conclusion. When the beard is gray, consider both reasoning and conclusion. When the beard is white, skip the reasoning, but mind the conclusion.


No muscles without strength,

friendship without trust,

opinion without consequence,

change without aesthetics,

age without values,

life without effort,

water without thirst,

food without nourishment,

love without sacrifice,

power without fairness,

facts without rigor,

statistics without logic,

mathematics without proof,

teaching without experience,

politeness without warmth,

values without embodiment,

degrees without erudition,

militarism without fortitude,

progress without civilization,

friendship without investment,

virtue without risk,

probability without ergodicity,

wealth without exposure,

complication without depth,

fluency without content,

decision without asymmetry,

science without skepticism,

religion without tolerance


and, most of all:

nothing without skin in the game.


January 1, 2022

The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness by Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga.

 The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness by Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga.


[Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, and Alfred Adler are all giants in the world of psychology. The Courage to Be Disliked follows a conversation between a young man and a philosopher as they discuss the tenets of Alfred Adler’s theories.]


[All the notes below are the ‘ Philosopher’s comments/answers].


None of us live in an objective world, but instead in a subjective world that we ourselves have given meaning to. The world you see is different from the one I see, and it’s impossible to share your world with anyone else.


Before an effect, there’s a cause. Or, in other words, who I am now (the effect) is determined by occurrences in the past (the causes)


Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, much of the content closely resembles Adler’s ideas.


To quote Adler again: The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment. 


Not even the most hardened criminal becomes involved in crime purely out of a desire to engage in evil acts. Every criminal has an internal justification for getting involved in crime.


In Adlerian psychology, we describe personality and disposition with the word lifestyle. In a narrow sense, lifestyle could be defined as someone’s personality; taken more broadly, it is a word that encompasses the worldview of that person and his or her outlook on life.


In Adlerian psychology, however, lifestyle is thought of as something that you choose for yourself. you did not consciously choose this kind of self. Your first choice was probably unconscious, combined with external factors you have referred to—that is, race, nationality, culture, and home environment. These certainly had a significant influence on that choice. Nevertheless, it is you who chose this kind of self.  Adlerian psychology’s view is that it happens around the age of ten.


Your lifestyle is not something that you were naturally born with, but something you chose yourself, then it must be possible to choose it over again. Being born in this country, in this era, and with these parents are things you did not choose. And all these things have a great deal of influence. The issue is not the past, but here, in the present. And now you’ve learned about lifestyle. But what you do with it from here on is your responsibility. Whether you go on choosing the lifestyle you’ve had up till now, or you choose a new lifestyle altogether, it’s entirely up to you.


Adlerian psychology is a psychology of courage. Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage.


As Adler’s teleology tells us, No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on. That you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life.


People cannot simply forget the past, and neither can they become free from it.


Why You Dislike Yourself


You are afraid of being negated by other people. You’re afraid of being treated disparagingly, being refused, and sustaining deep mental wounds. You think that instead of getting entangled in such situations, it would be better if you just didn’t have relations with anyone in the first place. In other words, your goal is to not get hurt in your relationships with other people


Just find your shortcomings, start disliking yourself, and become someone who doesn’t enter into interpersonal relationships. That way, if you can shut yourself into your own shell, you won’t have to interact with anyone, and you’ll even have a justification ready whenever other people snub you. That it’s because of your shortcomings that you get snubbed, and if things weren’t this way, you too could be loved.


You were so afraid of interpersonal relationships that you came to dislike yourself. You’ve avoided interpersonal relationships by disliking yourself.


Don’t be evasive. Being the way I am with all these shortcomings is, for you, a precious virtue. In other words, something that’s to your benefit.


Don’t forget, it’s basically impossible to not get hurt in your relations with other people. When you enter into interpersonal relationships, it is inevitable that to a greater or lesser extent you will get hurt, and you will hurt someone, too. Adler says, To get rid of one’s problems, all one can do is live in the universe all alone. But one can’t do such a thing.


All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. This is a concept that runs to the very root of Adlerian psychology. If all interpersonal relationships were gone from this world, which is to say if one were alone in the universe and all other people were gone, all manner of problems would disappear.


Feelings of Inferiority Are Subjective Assumptions


The feeling of inferiority has to do with one’s value judgment of oneself. It’s the feeling that one has no worth, or that one is worth only so much.


We cannot alter objective facts. But subjective interpretations can be altered as much as one likes. And we are inhabitants of a subjective world. 


the feelings of inferiority we’re suffering from are subjective interpretations rather than objective facts?


First of all, people enter this world as helpless beings. And people have the universal desire to escape from that helpless state. Adler called this the pursuit of superiority. Adler is saying that the pursuit of superiority and the feeling of inferiority are not diseases but stimulants to normal, healthy striving and growth. If it is not used in the wrong way, the feeling of inferiority, too, can promote striving and growth.


At base, complex refers to an abnormal mental state made up of a complicated group of emotions and ideas and has nothing to do with the feeling of inferiority. It’s crucial to not mix up feeling of inferiority and inferiority complex and to think about them as clearly separate.


As Adler says, the feeling of inferiority can be a trigger for striving and growth. For instance, if one had a feeling of inferiority with regard to one’s education, and resolved to oneself, I’m not well educated, so I’ll just have to try harder than anyone else, that would be a desirable direction. The inferiority complex, on the other hand, refers to a condition of having begun to use one’s feeling of inferiority as a kind of excuse. So one thinks to oneself, I’m not well educated, so I can’t succeed. 


One makes a show of being on good terms with a powerful person and by doing that, one lets it be known that one is special. those who make themselves look bigger on borrowed power are essentially living according to other people’s value systems—they are living other people’s lives.


There’s the kind of person who likes to boast about his achievements. Someone who clings to his past glory and is always recounting memories of the time when his light shone brightest. All such people can be said to have superiority complexes. As Adler clearly indicates, The one who boasts does so only out of a feeling of inferiority.


The sound of the words that inferiority complex and superiority complex were polar opposites, in actuality, they border on each other. It is a pattern leading to a particular feeling of superiority that manifests due to the feeling of inferiority itself becoming intensified.


Adler himself pointed out, In our culture weakness can be quite strong and powerful. Adler says, In fact, if we were to ask ourselves who is the strongest person in our culture, the logical answer would be, the baby. The baby rules and cannot be dominated. The baby rules over the adults with his weakness. And it is because of this weakness that no one can control him.


The pursuit of superiority is the mindset of taking a single step forward on one’s own feet, not the mindset of competition of the sort that necessitates aiming to be greater than other people. life is not a competition


When one is conscious of competition and victory and defeat, it is inevitable that feelings of inferiority will arise. 


From Power Struggle to Revenge


Let’s say you and a friend have been discussing the current political situation. Before long, it turns into a heated argument, and neither of you is willing to accept any differences of opinion until finally, it reaches the point where he starts engaging in personal attacks—that you’re stupid. It’s that he finds you unbearable, and he wants to criticize and provoke you and make you submit through a power struggle. If you get angry at this point, the moment he has been anticipating will arrive, and the relationship will suddenly turn into a power struggle. No matter what the provocation, you must not get taken in.


Now let’s say you take control of the quarrel. And then the other man, who was seeking to defeat you, withdraws in a sportsmanlike manner. The thing is, the power struggle doesn’t end there. Having lost the dispute, he rushes on to the next stage. And once the interpersonal relationship reaches the revenge stage, it is almost impossible for either party to find a solution. To prevent this from happening, when one is challenged to a power struggle, one must never allow oneself to be taken in.


Admitting Fault Is Not Defeat

When you are challenged to a fight, and you sense that it is a power struggle, step down from the conflict as soon as possible. Do not answer his action with a reaction. That is the only thing we can do. When you control your anger, you’re bearing it,. let’s learn a way to settle things without using the emotion of anger. Because after all, anger is a tool. A means for achieving a goal. ​​We can convey our thoughts and intentions and be accepted without any need for anger. Believe in the power of language and the language of logic.


the rightness of one’s assertions has nothing to do with winning or losing. If you think you are right, regardless of what other people’s opinions might be, the matter should be closed then and there. However, many people will rush into a power struggle and try to make others submit to them. And that is why they think of admitting a mistake as admitting defeat. Admitting mistakes, conveying words of apology, and stepping down from power struggles—none of these things is defeat. The pursuit of superiority is not something that is carried out through competition with other people.


Overcoming the Tasks That Face You in Life


In Adlerian psychology, clear objectives are laid out for human behavior and psychology. First, there are two objectives for behavior: to be self-reliant and to live in harmony with society. Then, the two objectives for the psychology that supports these behaviors are the consciousness that I have the ability and the consciousness that people are my comrades.


in the process of growing up, one begins to have all kinds of relationships. Adler made three categories of the interpersonal relationships that arise out of these processes. He referred to them as tasks of work, tasks of friendship, and tasks of love, and all together as life tasks.


A lot of people think that the more friends you have the better, but I’m not so sure about that. There’s no value at all in the number of friends or acquaintances you have. And this is a subject that connects with the task of love, but what we should be thinking about is the distance and depth of the relationship.

If you change, those around you will change too. They will have no choice but to change. Adlerian psychology is a psychology for changing oneself, not a psychology for changing others.


people are extremely selfish creatures who are capable of finding any number of flaws and shortcomings in others whenever the mood strikes them. Adler called the state of coming up with all manner of pretexts in order to avoid the life tasks the life-lie.


Freudian etiology is a psychology of possession, and eventually, it arrives at determinism. Adlerian psychology, on the other hand, is a psychology of use, and it is you who decides it.


Adlerian psychology denies the need to seek recognition from others. There is no need to be recognized by others. Actually, one must not seek recognition. When trying to be recognized by others, almost all people treat satisfying other people’s expectations as the means to that end. And that is in accordance with the stream of thought of reward-and-punishment education that says one will be praised if one takes appropriate action


In general, all interpersonal relationship troubles are caused by intruding on other people’s tasks or having one’s own tasks intruded on. Carrying out the separation of tasks is enough to change one’s interpersonal relationships dramatically.


As Adler says, Children who have not been taught to confront challenges will try to avoid all challenges.


Not wanting to be disliked by other people. To human beings, this is an entirely natural desire and an impulse. Kant, the giant of modern philosophy, called this desire inclination; it is one’s instinctive desires, one’s impulsive desires. 


Freedom is being disliked by other people. ​It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles. There is a cost incurred when one wants to exercise one’s freedom. And the cost of freedom in interpersonal relationships is that one is disliked by other people. The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.


He hit me that time, and that is why our relationship went bad, is a Freudian etiological way of thinking. The Adlerian teleology position completely reverses the cause-and-effect interpretation. That is to say, I brought out the memory of being hit because I don’t want my relationship with my father to get better.


Adlerian psychology is formally referred to as individual psychology. In Adlerian psychology, physical symptoms are not regarded separately from the mind (psyche). The mind and body are viewed as one, as a whole that cannot be divided into parts.


Forming good interpersonal relationships requires a certain degree of distance. At the same time, people who get too close end up not even being able to speak to each other, so it is not good to get too far apart, either. Adlerian psychology has the view that all problems are interpersonal relationship problems. Interpersonal relations are the source of unhappiness. And the opposite can be said, too—interpersonal relations are the source of happiness. 


Community feeling (community includes the universe, from past to future) is the most important index for considering a state of interpersonal relations that is happy. One has to stand on one’s own two feet and take one’s own steps forward with the tasks of interpersonal relations. One needs to think not, What will this person give me? but rather, What can I give to this person? That is commitment to the community.


One must not praise, and one must not rebuke. That is the standpoint of Adlerian psychology. When one person praises another, the goal is to manipulate someone who has less ability than you. It is not done out of gratitude or respect. Adlerian psychology refutes all manner of vertical relationships and proposes that all interpersonal relationships be horizontal relationships. In a sense, this point may be regarded as the fundamental principle of Adlerian psychology.


You convey words of gratitude, saying thank you to this partner who has helped you with your work. You might express straightforward delight: I’m glad. Or you could convey your thanks by saying, That was a big help. This is an approach to encouragement that is based on horizontal relationships. When one hears words of gratitude, one knows that one has made a contribution to another person


It’s making the switch from attachment to self (self-interest) to concern for others (social interest) and gaining a sense of community feeling. Three things are needed at this point: self-acceptance, confidence in others, and contribution to others.


Accept what is irreplaceable (e.g. one is born with). And have the courage to change what one can change. That is self-acceptance. It is also mentioned in the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.


From the standpoint of Adlerian psychology, the basis of interpersonal relations is founded not on trust (e.g. how bank give loans based on your credibility to pay back) but on confidence. Unconditional confidence is a means for making your interpersonal relationship with a person better and for building a horizontal relationship.


Adler goes so far as to warn that those who sacrifice their own lives for others are people who have conformed to society too much. We are truly aware of our own worth only when we feel that our existence and behavior are beneficial to the community


Happiness is the feeling of contribution. That is the definition of happiness.


If the goal of climbing a mountain were to get to the top, that would be a kinetic act. To take it to the extreme, it wouldn’t matter if you went to the mountaintop in a helicopter, stayed there for five minutes or so, and then headed back in the helicopter again. Of course, if you didn’t make it to the mountaintop, that would mean the mountain-climbing expedition was a failure. However, if the goal is mountain climbing itself, and not just getting to the top, one could say it is energeial. In this case, in the end it doesn’t matter whether one makes it to the mountaintop or not.


When one attempts to choose freedom, it is only natural that one may lose one’s way. At this juncture, Adlerian psychology holds up a guiding star as a grand compass pointing to a life of freedom.No matter what moments you are living, or if there are people who dislike you, as long as you do not lose sight of the guiding star of I contribute to others, you will not lose your way, and you can do whatever you like. Whether you’re disliked or not, you pay it no mind and live free.